I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
