I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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