I smell stomach acid.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
