dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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