My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
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That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
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When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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