just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
