Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
