it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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