Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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