I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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