wanna go halves on a baby?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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