my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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