He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Randomize
