did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
