Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
