It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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