I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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