If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You took a bar mat shot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
