I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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