Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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