Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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