i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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