bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
