dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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