ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I wish there were birth control emojis
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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