I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
