Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
