oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize