I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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