So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
