Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
