he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
