We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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