am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My vagina is very pro this idea
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
