imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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