My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Never joke about your clitoris.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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