I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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