Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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