So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
time to smoke my breakfast
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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