my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
