...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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