whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
