Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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