this beer tastes like vomit already
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
