she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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