It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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