I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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