1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
it's like heaven, but drunker
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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