just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
They have beer where we have blood.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
