Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
