I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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