Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
