if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
