Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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