Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Taylor Swift is so right about you.

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(773): Taylor Swift is so right about you. http://tfl.nu/etcx

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(941): View more from Florida

If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?

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(941): If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him? http://tfl.nu/9nhp

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(250): View more from British Columbia

A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja

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(250): A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja http://tfl.nu/h6o5

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(402): View more from Nebraska

next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.

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(402): next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first. http://tfl.nu/nkj3

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..

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(617): Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear.. http://tfl.nu/yx7i

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(856): View more from New Jersey

2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.

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(856): 2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over. http://tfl.nu/sc8m

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

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(828): my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty. http://tfl.nu/rhpp

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(505): View more from New Mexico

Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.

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(505): Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking. http://tfl.nu/b01w

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(417): View more from Missouri

Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.

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(417): Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by. http://tfl.nu/hvbu

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(302): View more from Delaware

Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.

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(302): Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one. http://tfl.nu/7sz8

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(416): View more from Toronto

Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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(416): Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist http://tfl.nu/x60r

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(618): View more from Illinois

I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.

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(618): I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas. http://tfl.nu/yx8c

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(501): View more from Arkansas

If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.

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(501): If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame. http://tfl.nu/x1of

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(301): View more from Maryland

people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back

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(301): people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back http://tfl.nu/aa8w

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(478): View more from Georgia

Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.

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(478): Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night. http://tfl.nu/09o6

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