Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize