mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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