I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
