The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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