so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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