My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
