In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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