It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
