you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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