i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize