He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
