How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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