she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
