But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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