I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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