His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
