i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
my liver is dry heaving
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