Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
